Lost

Heyya , so I guess this was the longest time since I left my entry for several months. 

I can’t find any word to say, its just I lost. 

I lost my way. 

I lost my hope. 

I throw my life away.

I lost several people. I ran away from reality. 

Sampai satu tahap aku dah tak mampu nak rasa apa-apa. I lost my interest doing my favourite things. 

Its gone. 

I know everything , that bad n good things.

But somehow, orang sekeliling making it become more worst. I dont trust myself anymore, feel like useless, scared to meet people.

Its kinda tired when I started to heal from that wound, but then things getting more complicated, at one point, my true self was gone. 

Doesn’t have any interested with what I’m doing, like to be alone. It doesn’t matter what I’m facing was that hard or easy for us, as u lost your life with that kind of hardship, u will somehow slowly give up with everything.

It makes u feel scared to face that life.

This point of my life, the hardest thing that I had to cope , I had to face. 

I’m alone. 

I become more depressed until I felt like I just want to finish my study and leave this place. No matter how I’m trying to be cool, to be heartless, to be strong, I can’t be that person anymore. 

Somehow I lost myself. 

I forgot everything.

I forgot that I have my family, that always trust me and support me when nobody there.

I forgot that I have Him, that always be there anytime and anywhere.

I just forgot about that things.

So, here I want to press out.

Do not be alone, sometimes strangers can be like a family to us. 

You just feel disappointed with people, but keep on remembering that there still some people care about you.

Its hard to trust people again, if u can’t, gladly to know that u have Him every single time.

I know something, u are getting stronger. Trust yourself. I know its hard. I know things will happen again and again, u will feel want to run over n over, but think about it. 

Allah saves u everytime u felt want to end this life.

Its just another point in my life, yang Allah nak uji. And for sure, takkan melebihi kemampuan kita untuk hadapinya. 

If this things keep on going, I hope I can love myself, love my family, love my friends. 

Death will come, for sure.

May Allah eases everything for us. Fihifzillah. 

And for you, that always trust me, loving me, never give up with me, deeply inside I want to say, I'm sorry for everything. And thank you for everything. May Allah enfolds u with His bless wherever u are.

twentytwo

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!

Alhamdulillah , aku pun dah berumur 22 tahun unofficially. 

Last entry aku pun tahun lepas dalam bulan 10. 

Hehe. Busy sikit.

Dengan final exam, program pun banyak.

Haha, emm mungkin aku dah tak banyak nak berkongsi cerita. 

Mungkin aku dah banyak belajar untuk membiarkan sesuatu perkara tu berlalu.

Entah. 

Sometimes aku pun penat nak layan perasaan sendiri.

Sometimes aku penat nak layan karenah manusia.

Sometimes aku rasa like want to let it go, just follow the flow.

Complicated kan. Hahaha. 

Sebab mungkin aku dah sedar ada lagi yang penting untuk difikirkan , untuk dibimbangkan selain perkara yang melibatkan perasaan semua ni. 

Aku perasan one thing, slowly these kind of things merosakkan mental dan fikiran without aku sedar. 

Sebab aku TERLALU make it too important in my life.

I tend to put it as my important things to figure out, sedangkan I do have a lot of other problems. 

I hurt myself without aku sedar. :”)

Only if aku just pentingkan diri sendiri without memikirkan orang lain. If only if. 

Haha. Dahla. Semua dah lepas. 

Yang penting aku take it as pengajaran dalam hidup aku.

Theres a lot of things yang lagi important dalam hidup aku.

Appreciate people disekeliling aku. 

Don’t allow people so easily to enter in your life.

Protect yourself first, utamakan diri sendiri, because no person will care about you unless you yourself.

And here I go, be that kind of heartless again. 

I wouldn’t allow people come nearer to me anymore. 

Bukan sebab aku tak suka, tapi sebab aku tahu aku tak mampu. 

Aku tak mampu to make them happy. 

I am sorry for being this version of myself. 

I am truly sorry.

So , hahaha. 

Semoga kita kuat untuk hadapi semua dugaan dan ujian.

Semoga kita tabah harungi semua masalah yang datang.

Semoga kita semua bahagia dengan orang yang tersayang.

Fi hifzillah.